Psychotherapist Offers Key Advice for Parents Struggling with Intimacy

Parents often find their intimate lives strained under the pressures of daily responsibilities. According to psychotherapist Vanessa Marin, many parents grapple with maintaining intimacy amid the chaos of parenting. Her advice offers a fresh perspective on how to reignite intimacy even after exhausting days filled with chores and childcare.

Research indicates that nearly 37% of mothers report being dissatisfied with their sexual frequency. Factors such as time constraints, energy levels, and emotional exhaustion significantly impact their sexual satisfaction. Among Millennial moms, a staggering 74% cite lack of time and energy as pivotal in their intimate lives.

Marin emphasizes the importance of initiating intimacy. She explains, “Initiating sex is about showing your partner that they’re important and that intimacy is a priority for you.” By taking on the responsibility of initiating intimacy, partners can foster a stronger emotional connection. Marin points out that both partners should actively participate in this aspect of their relationship. “If one partner is always initiating, it can start to feel like a burden,” she adds.

Many parents may feel too exhausted at the end of the day to engage in intimate moments. Marin suggests reframing the approach to intimacy. Instead of waiting for the perfect moment, parents can seize small opportunities for connection. “You don’t need hours of uninterrupted time or a perfectly romantic setup,” Marin explains. Simple gestures, such as a quick kiss or a playful touch, can be effective.

She also addresses the common misconception that one must feel “wildly turned on” to initiate intimacy. Marin encourages parents to consider whether they are open to intimacy, even if they are not in the mood. This shift in perspective can lead to more fulfilling intimate encounters.

For couples where one partner frequently initiates while the other does not, Marin advises open communication. A simple conversation about the importance of mutual initiation can foster understanding and connection. She suggests saying something like, “It would mean so much to me if you initiated sometimes, too. It makes me feel wanted and desired.”

Scheduling intimate time may also be beneficial for busy parents. “If you’re not intentional about carving out that time for each other, it’s simply not going to happen,” Marin warns.

In addition to sexual intimacy, Marin highlights the importance of non-sexual touch to maintain closeness. Simple acts of affection, such as cuddling or holding hands, can significantly enhance a couple’s bond. “Sending a flirty text during the day or giving your partner a compliment can help keep the spark alive,” she advises.

Marin emphasizes that even minor gestures can trigger the release of oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which plays a key role in relationship satisfaction. She notes that small moments of connection can lead to a significant increase in overall marital happiness.

The dynamics of intimacy can shift in long-term relationships, and couples often find themselves feeling invisible to one another. Marin warns against developing a “bristle response,” where partners might tense up at each other’s touch due to an association with sexual requests. To combat this, she recommends that partners explicitly ask if the other wants to engage in sexual activity. This approach can help normalize non-sexual touch and increase comfort levels.

By fostering open communication, embracing small moments of intimacy, and prioritizing non-sexual touch, couples can navigate the challenges of parenthood while maintaining a fulfilling intimate relationship. Marin’s insights offer a valuable roadmap for parents looking to reconnect with their partners amidst the demands of family life.