Stepmother Seeks Guidance on Adult Sons’ Poor Behavior at Gatherings

A stepmother has expressed concern over the behavior of her adult sons during family gatherings, prompting a request for guidance on how to address the issue. The woman, who has been in a relationship with their father since they were teenagers, observed that the young men, now adults, have seemingly forgotten the manners and responsibilities instilled in them during their upbringing.

At a recent family gathering, the stepmother noted that her sons arrived without contributions and failed to assist with post-meal clean-up. This behavior was not isolated; she received reports that during another family holiday, they similarly neglected to offer help to their hostess. The stepmother described her feelings as “mortified” and is seeking ways to encourage her sons to take on more responsibility during family events.

The issue of adult children failing to exhibit learned manners is not uncommon. According to relationship expert Eric Thomas, it is essential for parents to communicate expectations clearly, especially when hosting gatherings. He suggests that when adult children visit, parents should articulate their desires for involvement. For instance, stating, “We’re so happy you’re here. We want to have a gathering in which everyone is involved. We’ll serve, and you clear. How’s that sound?” can help establish a collaborative atmosphere.

In another related dilemma, a family member is wrestling with the decision of whether to attend a holiday dinner hosted by liberal relatives. This individual identifies as libertarian and is uncomfortable with the expected political discourse that often occurs during family gatherings. They expressed concern that failing to engage in political discussions could lead to misunderstandings about their beliefs.

Thomas advises that even as a guest, it is important to communicate personal boundaries. He recommends initiating a conversation with relatives before the gathering, emphasizing the importance of focusing on family connection rather than political debate. By requesting a more positive atmosphere, the individual might preserve the festive spirit while maintaining their comfort.

As the holidays approach, navigating family dynamics can be challenging. Open communication and clear expectations are crucial in fostering a respectful and enjoyable environment for all involved.