New Year’s Resolutions Begin with Dietary Challenges and Feasts

As the new year unfolds, many individuals reflect on personal goals and resolutions. In a lighthearted exploration of this tradition, humor columnist Irv Erdos recounts his experience with his wife’s insistence on a list of commitments for the upcoming year. The conversation quickly turns to the topic of dietary changes, particularly as they prepare to attend a lavish New Year’s Day feast hosted by friends.

During their discussion, Erdos vows to eliminate alcohol from his life, only to be met with laughter from his wife, who points out that he does not drink. In a humorous exchange, she suggests that he replace empty promises with tangible goals, such as joining a gym. The couple’s banter highlights the often unrealistic expectations surrounding New Year’s resolutions.

Erdos reluctantly agrees to amend his diet, but only after enjoying a spectacular meal at the home of Carol and Frank Crisci. Their New Year’s Day gathering is nothing short of extravagant, featuring a large glazed ham, an array of deli meats, cheeses, and seafood, alongside contributions from guests that include homemade specialties like shrimp ceviche and cheesecake. The atmosphere is lively, with plenty of drinks flowing, from Champagne to cocktails.

The Crisci home, surrounded by a vibrant garden complete with a koi pond and a variety of fruit trees, offers a picturesque setting for the celebration. Guests indulge in a feast that includes not just savory delights but also an assortment of pastries and cookies, showcasing the culinary talents of those present. Erdos’s description of the event paints a vivid picture of joy and abundance, contrasting sharply with the restrictions he will soon face.

Following the festivities, Erdos embarks on his diet, which is closely monitored by his wife. He notes the stringent rules imposed, eliminating red meat, potatoes, pasta, and even sweets from his meals. Fish becomes a staple, provided it is not breaded or fried. The limitations extend to breakfast options, where eggs are acceptable only when boiled or poached. This strict regimen comes with a humorous twist; Erdos laments the loss of “joy,” as even simple pleasures like toast and jam are off the table.

Despite his initial enthusiasm, Erdos finds that after two weeks of adhering to the new diet, he has only shed a modest couple of pounds. His wife remains optimistic, assuring him that further weight loss will follow. In a moment of reflection, Erdos turns to statistics, humorously concluding that he will reach his ideal weight three years past his life expectancy.

The amusing account captures the essence of New Year’s resolutions: the struggle between aspiration and reality. As Erdos navigates the challenges of dietary change, he highlights the human experience of balancing enjoyment with personal goals. With a nod to the festivities he has just experienced, he wishes readers a happy new year, leaving behind the challenges of resolutions for a moment of shared laughter and reflection.